Me: Good morning everyone, today...
Mavis: MR SHEPHERD I KNOW I KNOW!
Me: I haven't asked you anything yet Mavis, now today we need to...
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Yes Barry, what is it?
......
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Yes Barry.
...
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Barry I think your sound might be off, you need to...
Mavis: MR SHEPHERD I KNOW THE ANSWER I KNOW THE ANSWER!
Me: For Goodness' sake Mavis, there hasn't been a question yet! Now can we make a start on...
Barry: I think I've got coronavirus.
All children: Eeeurrgghh!
Me: Sssh, everyone please! Barry why do you say that? Have you got any symptoms?
Barry: I've got toothache.
Me: Right, I'm not sure that...
Barry: And last night I banged my head.
Me: It sounds to me like you don't need to worry Barry, I...
Mavis: MR SHEPHERD CAN I SAY ONE CAN I SAY ONE??!!
Me: Mavis I really love your enthusiasm but we haven't...Jeremy, stop sharing your screen now!
Jeremy: What?? It's sick!
Me: Yes I like Fortnite too but we don't need to see it now, please...
Jeremy: Mr Shepherd are you on Fortnite?
Cynthia: Are you a YouTuber Mr Shepherd?
Trevor: Are you on TikTok?
Me: NO! I only have a very vague concept of what you're talking about! Now please, can we do some maths. Yesterday we were looking at the written method for addition...
Florence: (stupid bitch I told her I didn't want that one...)
Me: Florence you need to mute yourself please.
Florence: (I'll punch the stupid cow in the face next time she...)
Me: FLORENCE, MUTE YOURSELF!
Jeremy: Oh my gosh Mr Shepherd you can mute her yourself!
Me: Oh yes, I'll do that. Florence please tell your Mum to leave the room. Now, who'd like to have a go...
Mavis: MR SHEPHERD I'VE GOT ONE I'VE GOT ONE!!
Me: I'd like to ask someone else first Mavis. How about...
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Yes Barry.
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Yes Barry.
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: YES BARRY!!
......
Me: Right, Barry's got a problem with his sound again, let's...
Barry: My chicken died.
Me: Oh...I'm...err, sorry. I didn't know you had one Barry.
Barry: Because it ate a Snickers bar.
Cynthia: I like Snickers!
Trevor: Bounty!
Arthur: Mars!
Gladys: Milky Bar!
Me: Enough! Right, Barry I'm sorry about your chicken. Now, I'm going to share screen with you. Please let's look at number 1. I want someone...JEREMY! Don't annotate on my worksheet!
Jeremy: Oh my gosh why does it have to be me??!!
Me: I can see your name on it!
Jeremy: Oh my gosh that is so tight!
Me: Right, now then...
Florence: (that teacher looks like a freak man, is he thick or what?)
Me: Florence!! You really need to find a private place! Please ask your brother to leave the room too.
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: Barry I'm going to mute you and we can talk later, I...
Barry: Mr Shepherd?
Me: BARRY! If I mute you then don't un-mute yourself!
Barry: My Uncle's got a fractured skull.
Me: Never mind, now who...
Mavis: MR SHEPHERD I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!
Me: MAVIS SHUT UP!!
......
Me: I'm sorry everyone, but we really need to...
Zoom: Time Up. Do you want to upgrade?
